An overview of what a relationship is

A look at components of healthy relationships and why they are important

Some of the consequences of not having healthy relationships

The 5 dynamics of healthy relationships

1. Relationships are are the meaningful exchange of action between people.

2. Relationships are critical to the human experience and have been proven to contribute to the emotional, mental, and physical health of a person.

3. Being in healthy relationships (high SQ) is critical to being able to live out one’s purpose ... which is critical to the wholeness of a human being.

4. Healthy relationships have 5 dimensions (or dynamics): Respect and Equality, Trust, Empathy and Appreciation, Support and Boundaries, Communication and Commitment.

5. There are many ways to raise your TQ, but three are: Be the right person; Be intentional; Invest time and energy.

We begin this session with a look at what a relationship is.

Per the OED:

There are so many types of relationships human beings can be in: personal, professional, acquaintence, crisis, friend, gaming, social (media), and more. I think, however, we must really boil all of this down to a key element of a relationship between 2 (or more) people:

If you don’t interact with someone, you can’t have a relationship with them. In our world of technology and social media, the concept of a relationship is being extended in unique directions, which adds complexity. That is a worthy topic for another work. Here, we will look at relationships between people in real life.

Let’s look at why relationships are so important.

Relationships are a critical component of the experience of being human.

They provide us with a sense of connection, support, and belonging.

They help us to feel loved, understood, and valued.

They are a critical component in our experience of a sense of purpose and meaning in life.

Additionally, they can also provide practical support, such as assistance with tasks or help in times of need.

An article by Kirsten Weir in a March 2018 article for the American Psychological Association details the following:

From a neurological perspective:

... from an article out of the University of Minnesota note a lack of relationship as causing:

Depression

Decreased immune function

Higher blood pressure

There is a well-known study - the Framingham Heart Study (FHS). The FHS is a long-term, ongoing study that has been examining the risk factors for cardiovascular disease in a large group of participants. The study has found that people with strong social connections and support have a lower risk of developing cardiovascular disease and other health problems, and are more likely to live longer, healthier lives.

So ya ... healthy relationships are important.

Healthy relationships can be defined by 5 core components:

RESPECT and EQUALITY: Respect and equality are about VALUING another human being, seeing them and treating them as you would your (healthy) self. Respect involves valuing another’s thoughts, feelings, and needs, and treating them with kindness and consideration. Equality is where both partners are viewed and treated as being of equal value.

TRUST: The Oxford English Dictionary defines trust as “a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.” In the context of a relationship, it means both parties are committed to integrity in their behavior and confidence in the positive intentions of the other.

EMPATHY and APPRECIATION: Per the OED, empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. It comes from two Greek words: em (in) and pathos (feeling). It essentially is the entering into the emotions of another with the other. It must be said that this has to be accompanied by by healthy BOUNDARIRES, lest we become codependent or enmeshed. Healthy empathy can sit with another in their suffering ... and be able to walk away as well. Appreciation is when we are not only grateful for what someone is and does, but when we place a high value on both in ways that communicate that value to the other.

SUPPORT and BOUNDARIES: A healthy relationship involves being there for each other, providing emotional and practical support, and being able to rely on each other in times of need. Establishing and maintaining clear boundaries is also important. This involves knowing and respecting each other's limits, and being able to communicate openly about what is and is not acceptable behavior.

COMMUNICATION and COMMITMENT: Good communication involves being able to express your thoughts, feelings, and needs in an open and respectful manner, and also being able to listen actively to your partner. Commitment is a critical mutual decision to not let the difficulties of life overshadow the value of your “other.” (Note: this is not inclusive of abuse or when there is a lack of mutuality.)

It is important to keep in mind: a relationship is a two-way street. These traits must be something you work on in your self and be something your partner is willing to work on as well. When one of you is not willing to do the work ... the relationship is often disfunctional if not codependent.

Developing healthy relationships (i.e., raising your TQ) is incredibly difficult and incredibly worth every bit of investment you will make. Here are a couple thoughts on how to develop healthy relationships

Your personal health and wholeness are critcial to being able to build healthy relationships. If you can’t be healthy in a relationship, you will never be in a healthy relationship. Know. Thy. Self.

Be intentional about defining what is important to you in a relationship. Then trust that you are worth it to stick by those values.

Also be intentional about understanding what matters most to the “other.” The great mystery (and “trick”) of relationship is to be able to fully care for yourself while fully caring for another

Relationships take both time and energy. It will take sacrifice. How you invest that time and energy is something you will need to both discover and develop. In either case, a high TQ requires effort.

We defined relationships as

Relationships are important for many reasons, the least of which is certainly not the reality they are the context in which we live out our purpose. Positive health benefits are also a benefit.

Healthy relationships have 5 dimensions (dynamics): Respect and Equality, Trust, Empathy and Appreciation, Support and Boundaries, and Communication and Commitment.

Raising youor TQ is a life-long journey and starts with: Being the right person, being intentional, and investing time and energy.

Admired Leadership

Life-saving relationships, American Psychology Association